1. Once in a mental hospital. A guy named Mark. He was a mental patient. One day, when he was writing a letter. A doctor passed by and felt curious and asked him.
Doctor : "Hi, Mark. Are you writing for someone? Who are you writing for?"
Mark : "I'm writing for myself, Doctor."
Doctor : "That's weird. Why you writing for yourself. Can i know what's inside?"
Mark : "Phew... What a stupid question. How would i know?. I haven't sent the letter. After i sent it, then I'll know. "2. Do you know what will a MUTE people say if he/she is healed?"Test.. test... one, two... three... test!!" [New Updated]
3. One day, a teacher was dividing the pupils paper to write down their status and their both parent's status. Then, there was a pupil wanted to make a prank of his teacher and always ask :
Pupil : "Ma'am, do I have to write down my parent's names?"
Teacher : "Yes, you do."
A few minutes later the pupil ask again.
Pupil : "Ma'am, I have to write down my parent's address too, right?"
The teacher felt annoyed and said "Yes, yes. You have to."
2 mins just passed by and the pupil ask again.
Pupil : "Ma'am, I have to write down my parent's sex too, right?"
Because the teacher was really really annoyed, she angrily replied. "Nope!!! Draw it!!!!" [New Updated]4. One day, there was a WELL located in a forest. The well has a magic power. It can fulfill your wishes by jump into it and state out your wishes. There was 3 young girls with normal look passing by. They saw the well and wanna to give it a try. The 1st girl walked to the well, climbed up and jumped down, then she says "I want to look like Nicole Kidman............!!!!" After that, when she climbed out, she was really looked like Nicole Kidman. She was really so happy and felt proudly. The 2nd said she wanted to give it a try too. So, she climbed up the well and jumped into it, following by the wishes she says "I want to look like Maggie Q...........!!!" Then, when she climbed out, she did really look like Maggie Q. She was as proud as the 1st girl. Following that, the 3rd girl give it a try too. So, she climbed up and stand on the well. She kept thinking of who she wanted to look like. She kept thinking.......
Suddenly, she stepped on a stone and stumbled, then she dropped into the well.... She was very angry and felt unsatisfied, she spilled out "Your mother ASSHOLE!!!". Soon after, she climbed out and her face was turned into an ASSHOLE. [New Updated]5. In the afternoon, a boy was walking back to his home. He saw a soya bean stall, he walked to there and asked the seller.Boy："Uncle, how much is the soya bean?"Uncle : " Cold one is $1 dollar and hot one is 50cents"[Because the boy only got 50cents so he said to the uncle............Boy : "Give me one glass of hot soya bean."Uncle : "Sure. Here you go!!!!"Once the uncle gave him the glass, hurrily the boy took it and drank it as fast as he can [The soya bean was very very hot]. The uncle was shocked and asked the boy.Uncle : "Hey, kiddo. Why u drank it so fast??"Boy：“Because i was afraid the soya become cold and become $1 dollar."6. One day, there was a competition. It's about "Who's the dirtiest?".There were 3 guy compete in this game. The 1st one was from America, he spat out a half glass of saliva. All the judges were shocked and cheering. The 2nd guy was from India, he spat out a glass of saliva at one time. This time, all the judges were stunned and applausing for that wonderful thing. The 3rd guy was from Indonesia, he stood up and silent for a while. Then suddenly, he took up the 2 glassess and drank all the saliva. All the judges puked.7. A man has been sleeping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for his wife to came nearer. As she sat by him, he said, " You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired,you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . . You know what ? " " What dear ? " She asks gently. " I think you bring me bad luck . "8. A train that running toward Hongkong was leaving from China. When the train was started to run, suddenly, 3 guys were chasing the train from behind. Because the train was running fast, so only 2 of them got on the train. And the 3rd guy was left behind.The weird thing is, the 3rd was laughing loudly and kept slapping the wall.A station officer passed by and asked :"Dude, why u still can laugh yet you have been left behind?"He replied "No, it wasn't supposed to be like that. I'm the one who will leaving to Hongkong, my friends who got on the train just came to sent me away."9. One day, an old lady was hitten by a car. She was sent to a hospital and the doctor said she will be in coma condition for a few months. In her coma conditioned, she met an angel and she asked : "Are you going to tell me that my time's up??". The angel replied her "No old lady, u still got 3 years and 7 months of life to live on."After that, the old lady woke up and decided to do everything she can do while she was alive. So, she went for plastic surgery and became quite pretty and looks younger. Then, when she walked out the hospital, unluckily she was hitten by a car again. In the coma condition, again, she met the angel. She asked "Hey angel, what the hell are you doing? Didn't u say I still got some time to live on? Why I'm in coma again?" And the angel replied her "Who are you? Have we met before?"10. Once upon a time, God made a telling JOKES party in the forest and he invited the 12 Zodiac animals. The 12 Zodiacs have to sit round a FIRE tunnel, each of them have to tell jokes to the others and if got anyone of them doesn't laugh, the jokes speaker have to die by jump into the FIRE tunnel.The first zodiac came up was DOG. He spit out everything he's got. All the Zodiacs were laughing except PIG. He didn't laugh at all. So, DOG had to die, he jumped into the FIRE tunnel.Second zodiac came up was Tiger. Also, he told them the jokes and they all were laughing. But, again, the PIG wasn't laugh. So, TIGER had to die too and then he jumped in the tunnel.The next zodiac was Rabbit. When she's about to start, PIG kept laughing, but Rabbit didn't say anything at all. And PIG just kept laughing and laughing. They all felt very weird, and didn't know what was the PIG laughing at. So, RABBIT asked him "Hey, PIG. What are u laughing at???"PIG replied "I'm laughing at the jokes that the DOG and TIGER told. It's so hillarious *Hahahahaha......*".11. One day, Spider, Centipede and Bee were having a party. While they were watching a movie, Spider suddenly said.Spider : 'Hey, we run out of beer. Does anyone wanna go buy it?"Bee : "I can't go. My wings are damaged so i can't fly. Centipede, why don't you go? You got lots of legs and you walk faster than we do."Centipede : "No problem. I'll go now."Then, Spider and Bee patiently waited for him. 2hours later.....Bee: "What took him so long?"Spider : "Beats me. Why don't you go the door and check it!!!"Bee walked to the door and he saw Centipede was sitting on the door-step. Then he asked :Bee : "Why are u still here? Aren't you supposed to go to buy Beer?"Centipede : "Yeah, but i'm still wearing my shoesssss. And I still got 25 pair of shoes to wear."12. One day, 3 guys died and were sent to Heaven. One of them was wearing formal suit, one was wearing boxer and one was naked. A Gate-Keeper passed by, so he asked them. The 1st he asked is the one who wearing a formal suit.G-K : "Dude, how did u die?"Guy[1] : "Well, I came back from work and when I opened my bedroom door, I saw my wife was nakedly lied on the bed and I saw a man standing at the balcony and he was shirtless. I was thinking of my wife was having an affair, angrily, I lifted my cupboard and I threw the man with it. Unfortunately, I was stumbled and fell down from the balcony and dead."G-K : "Ohhh... I see. How bout you? (He asked the guy who wearing a boxer)."Guy[2] : "Me?? I was doing an exercise at my home, and I carelessly dropped to my downstair-neighbour's balcony. When i stood up, a huge thing came from behind and hit my head then i fell down from the balcony and dead."G-K : "Ckckckc... So unlucky. And you (asking the naked-guy)? How did u die?"Guy[3] : "Actually, I was having an affair with a married-woman in her house. Then, I heard a noise from outside the room, so I hurrily sneaked into the cupboard and hide in it. And a few minutes later, I felt the cupboard was flying and suddenly *braaaakkkkkk* and I die."
13.There was a truck having an accident with an car [The car costs $5millions]. It's the car-driver fault, so the truck-driver was very angry. Let's named the car-driver [PAUL] and truck-driver [JAMES]. James asked Paul to get down from his car and he said that he want to revenge on Paul's car for making his car damaged.
James drawn a circle on the floor and said to Paul "Hey you, now stand in there, don't ever think about to step cross this line until i asked u to. Remeber!! Don't step cross the line." So, Paul stood in the circle. James went to his truck and took a bat, walked toward Paul's car and tried to smashed the windows. When he looked back, he saw Paul was smiling, then he said to Paul "what are you smiling at? don't think that you're rich and that was nothing for you."
James boiled-up, he went to Paul's car again and started to smashing his door, mirror and etc. When he looked back again, he saw Paul was smiling again. He got even angry and said to Paul "Stop smiling. Will you? You are really annoying!!!! Damn rich-man."
This time, he using his truck to ran over Paul's car. The car was broken yet Paul still kept smiling. Finally, he walked infront of Paul and asked him
James : "What the hell are you smiling at? Shall i give you a punch?" [he said angrily]
Paul : "Hihihi... Just now, when you was smashing my car, secretly I stepped out of the line 3 times and you wasn't aware it. Hihihi...."
14. James with two scalded red ears went to a doctor.
The doctor asked him why he got a red ears and then he answered, " I was ironing my clothes and suddenly the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and put it to my right ear "
" Oh GOSH ! " the doctor pitied of him. "
But .... what had happened to the left ear ? "
" The bastard called back ! " [New Updated]
15. There was a guy looking for Mr.Smith on the phone. But the one who answered the phone was a 8 year old boy.
Guy : "Good morning, can i speak to Mr.Smith?."
Boy : "I'm sorry. My dad isn't at home."
Guy : "It's ok then. Can I speak with your Mom then?"
Boy : "Mom either. She'd gone out with Dad."
Guy : "If that case, anyone else at home?"
Boy : "Hmm... Only my sister and I are at home." (His sister was in her room)
Guy : "Alright then. Can I speak with your sister then?"
Boy : "Sure. But can you hold on for 3 minutes?"
3 minutes later....
Boy : "Hello, uncle."
Guy : "Phew.. Why it's you again?"
Boy : "I'm sorry to tell you this. I couldn't lift her up from the baby-bed."
16. One day, a mental hospital's doctor wanted to test 3 guys with mental problems. So, he brought them to a room and he drawn a door on the wall and tested them whether they were still crazy or not. The 1st guy was called, he opened the door and walked in, but in fact, he knocked his head to the wall and fell down. And doctor said "Hm.. this one still got problem." and then he asked the 2nd guy. The 2nd guy hurrily run toward the door and slammed with his body. He was knocked-off and faint. And the doctor said "Phew!!! Crazy!!!". And the doctor saw the 3rd guy pointed at the 2 guys and kept laughing. And he said "I think this guy is cured, he is not crazy anymore. He laughs at them, maybe he thinks that the 2 guys are stupid. Good! Good!" But suddenly he heard the 3rd guy said : "Hahaha.. How stupid are them!!!! The door key is with me. Hahahaha..." [New Updated]
17. A husband was having a fight with his wife. Then the husband says "Let's seperate our bed." and the wife replied "Alright, as your wish." When the night comes, the husband suddenly remembered that he has had a meeting tomorrow. He was afraid of getting up late, so he kept thinking how to wake up earlier. He wanted to ask his wife but he still mad at her. So, he thought of write down a message on a paper and put on his wife's bed. Message "Honey, I got a meeting at 8 tomorrow, please wake me up at 6 yeah? Don't forget. Thanks Honey. I LOVE YOU."
Then the next day, his wife replied him by wrote down a message on a paper too. Message "Hey, Wake up!! It's 6 am now. Wake up now or you'll late for meeting." And she put it on her husband's hand. [New Updated]
18. A telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Japan, which was recorded and published in the Far Eastern Economic Review . . . . . ( Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking " funny " for a while after reading this. It was nominated " best email of 1997 " )
Room Service : " Morny. Ruin sorbees "
Guest : " Sorry, I thought I dialled room-sevice "
RS : " Rye . . Ruin sorbees . . morny ! Djewish to odor sunteen ? ? "
G : " Uh . . yes . . I'd like some bacon and eggs "
RS : " Ow July den ? "
G : " What ? ? "
RS : " Ow July den ? . . . pry,boy,pooch ? "
G : " Oh, the eggs ! How do I like them ? Sorry, scrambled please. "
RS : " Ow July dee bayhcem . . . crease ? "
G : " Crisp will be fine "
RS : " Hokay. An San tos ? "
G : " What ? "
RS : " San tos. July San tos ? "
G : " I don't think so "
RS : " No ? Judo one toes ? ? "
G : " I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means. "
RS : " Toes ! toes ! . . . why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother ? "
G : " English muffin ! ! I've got it ! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine. "
RS : " We bother ? "
G : " No . . just put the bother on the side. "
RS : " Wad ? "
G : " I mean butter . . . just put it on the side. "
RS : " Copy ? "
G : " Sorry ? "
RS : " Copy . . . tea . . . mill ? "
G : " Yes. Coffee please, and that's all. "
RS : " One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh





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